Change in Marriage: Rebuilding Connection During the Empty Nest Transition

Matt (56) and Claire (55) came to couples therapy when their youngest child was a senior in high school. From the outside, their marriage looked solid. They had raised three good humans, built meaningful careers, avoided major conflict, and shared a life that appeared stable and even enviable.

But behind closed doors, their marriage was on life support. They were emotionally and physically disconnected. What had once been a relationship rooted in friendship and passion had quietly shifted into something that felt more like coexisting roommates—and not very good ones. Neither partner felt fulfilled, and both were beginning to wonder if divorce was inevitable if nothing changed.

When Marriage Struggles During the Empty Nest Transition

Matt and Claire’s relationship wasn’t unraveling because of betrayal, cruelty, or a lack of care. Like many couples approaching the empty nest phase, they had spent years focused on parenting, careers, and the logistics of daily life. Slowly and unintentionally, their relationship was pushed to the margins.

This pattern is incredibly common during major life transitions. When children begin preparing to leave home, couples often find themselves facing one another again—sometimes realizing they’ve grown apart in ways they never intended.

Clarifying Vision and Rebuilding Emotional Intimacy

In couples therapy, we began by exploring their motivation for change and clarifying what they wanted their relationship to become. Both Matt and Claire agreed they wanted a marriage grounded in friendship, emotional safety, and renewed physical intimacy.

As our work continued, each partner began to examine how their own behaviors contributed to the disconnection. They explored core beliefs, patterns of avoidance, and untreated anxiety that had quietly shaped their relationship over time. Together, they committed to creating intentional daily moments of connection to truly get to know one another again.

They didn’t suddenly go from a skill level of one to ten when it came to vulnerability. Growth wasn’t linear. Some weeks felt hopeful; others felt frustrating.

How Couples Therapy Supports Real Relationship Change

With time, patience, and a willingness to stay engaged—even when it felt uncomfortable—Matt and Claire began to rebuild trust and closeness. There were moments of laughter, tears, setbacks, and insight. Slowly, they created a new version of their relationship—one that felt more intentional, honest, and mutually satisfying than before.

Change required vulnerability and a willingness to lean into the unknown. It was exciting, scary, refreshing, and stressful all at once. And it was necessary.

Why Change in Relationships Starts Within

Many people enter couples therapy believing that if only their partner would change, the relationship would improve. If that were true, relationships would be far easier. But lasting change doesn’t work that way.

We cannot force our partners, children, parents, or anyone else to change. While we can influence those close to us, meaningful and sustainable relationship change must begin within ourselves. The most powerful shifts occur when we take responsibility for our own growth—without making it dependent on someone else doing the same.

You Are Worth the Work

I love walking alongside clients during seasons of change. I know how difficult it can be to face uncertainty and discomfort, especially in long-term relationships. If you’re feeling disconnected, navigating a life transition, or wondering whether change is possible, know this:

I see you. You are worth the work. And your relationships are worth it, too.

image shot at Ara Ha