Long before I became a therapist, I first heard the words, “I wish I could just end it all” from a dear friend. Since that time I have been honored to walk beside countless others who are struggling to stay, but the weight has not changed. Those words make the room feel very, very heavy.
“I don’t want to be here anymore.”
“I don’t think I can keep doing this.”
“Sometimes I wish I just wouldn’t wake up.”
When someone you love says something like this, it can be terrifying. Your brain may immediately go into overdrive: What do I say? What do I do? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I make it worse?
Take a breath. You don't have to fix this. But you do need to take it seriously.
Start by Listening
Your first job isn't to convince them that life is wonderful. It's not to remind them how much they have to be grateful for. It's not to tell them how devastated everyone would be without them. Those things may be true, but when someone is overwhelmed by emotional pain, they may not be able to hear them.
Instead, try:
“I’m really glad you told me.”
“I can hear that you’re hurting.”
“I’m here. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
You don't have to understand exactly what they're experiencing to let them know you are willing to listen.
Sometimes being willing to sit in the uncomfortable moment with someone is more helpful than having the perfect words.
Ask the Question
If you're concerned that your loved one may be thinking about suicide, it is okay to ask directly.
“Are you thinking about suicide?”
That question can feel frightening to say out loud. Many people worry that asking about suicide will somehow put the idea in someone's head.
It won't.
Asking directly gives your loved one an opportunity to be honest about what they're experiencing—and gives you important information about how much support they may need.
If they say yes, you don't have to suddenly become a crisis counselor.
You can say:
“Thank you for telling me. I want to help you get through this, and I don't think you should have to handle it alone.”
Don't Promise to Keep It a Secret
If someone you love tells you they're suicidal, you may feel torn between protecting their privacy and getting them help. Their safety comes first. You can be compassionate without agreeing to keep suicidal thoughts or plans secret.
“I love you, and I'm going to take what you're telling me seriously. I may need to bring someone else in to help us keep you safe.”
That isn't betraying them. That's caring for them.
You Are Not Their Only Lifeline
This one is important—especially for spouses and parents.
When someone you love is suicidal, it can be very easy to become hypervigilant. You start watching their mood, checking their texts, worrying when they don't answer, and wondering whether you can ever leave them alone.
You may begin to believe that keeping them safe is entirely your responsibility.
It isn't.
You can love someone deeply and still need help supporting them.
Reach out to a therapist, crisis counselor, physician, trusted family member, or other appropriate support person. If your loved one is willing, help them make the connection.
And if you are worried about immediate safety, you don't have to figure out the level of risk by yourself. 988 can help you navigate the situation—even if you're calling because you're worried about someone else.
And Then… Check Back In
The conversation shouldn't disappear just because the immediate intensity has passed.
Send the text. Make the phone call. Sit beside them.Ask:
“How are you doing today?”
You don't need to interrogate them or monitor every breath they take. Just keep the door open. Connection matters.
If You Are the Person Who Was Told
If someone you love has told you they're thinking about suicide, you may be scared, overwhelmed, or unsure what to do next. You may also be wondering whether you are somehow responsible for what happens next.
You're not. You are a loved one—not a 24/7 crisis response team.
Your job is to listen, take them seriously, help connect them with appropriate support, and act when there is immediate danger. You don't need perfect words.
You just need to be willing to say: “I'm here. I hear you. I care about you. Let's get some help.”
Sometimes that's where the next step begins.
If You Need Help Right Now
If you or someone you love is experiencing suicidal thoughts or emotional distress, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can contact 988 yourself if you're worried about someone else and aren't sure what to do.
If someone is in immediate danger, has attempted suicide, or has a serious injury, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
If you're supporting someone through suicidal thoughts, you don't have to navigate it alone.
Resources
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 for free, confidential crisis support, available 24/7.
988 Help for Someone Else: 988 Lifeline — Help Someone Else
988 Lifeline: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
A Note from Family Ties Therapy
This article is for education and support and is not a substitute for an individualized mental health or crisis assessment.
If someone you love is talking about suicide, please take it seriously and reach out for appropriate support for both of you.
You don't have to know exactly what to say. You just have to be willing to stay connected long enough to help them find the next step.